This place is far to cheery at present, so I thought I'd plonk this here.

My zombie shelter is in place and adequately stocked. For obvious reasons (just in case the recently deceased/reanimated retain some kind of memory) I'll not be telling any of you where it is.

I have a variety of "weapons" at my disposal.

I have a contingency/escape route planned in case of discovery.

The only thing that's really messing my plans up currently is not knowing whether I'll be dealing with traditional, slow-moving zombies or those modern ones that run really quickly like spiders.

Feel free to contribute your own tips and pointers.

In case you didn't know.

WARNING - this is a bit rank so discretion is advised and I wouldn't suggest you watch it if you're eating your tea:

I love the way he rubs that thing...

Shotguns, give me shotguns if the zombie shit hits the fan

• Do secure all exits and entrances. Remember, the recently deceased also appear to suffer from major migraines and really don't appreciate bright, flickering lights either - keep those curtains closed!
  

• Do ensure access to food and water for a prolonged period.
  

• Do collect together any and all weapons in one place. Particularly, be sure and gather any household items that might also come in useful. For example, although not ideal, gardening shears could get you out of a spot of bother during close-range zombie shenanigans.
  

• Do make adequate toilet arrangements. There is nothing worse than having your bowels emptied when you're trying to empty your bowels.
  

• Do think about power supplies. Remember, the recently deceased don't care too much about your power needs and quite possibly won't be thinking about maintaining power stations.
  

• Do stay put (if it is safe to do so).
  

• Do stay quiet (noisy children and pets will only bring you trouble in the long-run; it might be time to think about ditching some of that "baggage").
  

• Do remember to stock a good supply of TP - it's the basics we all forget!
  

_________________________________________________________________________________________

• Don't tell all friends and relatives where you'll be in the event of an apocalypse; we already covered issues with the recently deceased remembering such details above.
  

• Don't hole up in a shopping centre. Looks good on paper, but in reality, all those entrances, exits, creepy, dark stockrooms and glass atriums are just asking for trouble, particularly from freakishly fast running, spider-like zombies.
  

• Don't play loud music unless absolutely necessary. See above for the recently deceaseds propensity towards heavy migraines and dislike of loud, bright things. Have some consideration. Imagine yourself on your worst ever hangover day.
  

• Don't try reasoning with dead people. People generally aren't that reasonable, particularly when they're dead.
  

• If you have to venture outside to replenish stocks, DON'T walk around with your mp3 player at full volume or try reading your latest kindle download (if you still have electricity with which to charge these items). You must have your wits about you at all times.
  

• Don't leave cigarettes burning. Smoking kills, even during a zombie apocalypse.
  

And remember: Not sure they're dead? Off with the head.

irrepressible wrote:

Shotguns, give me shotguns if the zombie shit hits the fan

Ah, but when was the last time you actually used one?

Also, there is the noise consideration to take into account. Remember, happy zombies tend to be less "bitey" than zombies experiencing aggro from loud noises and exploding things.

Good point...I didn't consider the noise

A bow and arrows

Crossbow

Slingshot! Catapult!

A bat

irrepressible wrote:

Good point...I didn't consider the noise

A bow and arrows

Crossbow

Slingshot! Catapult!

A bat

That's the way. Ideally, you want a good collection of long-range weapons. But it's always a good idea to keep some short-range knocking about too. A crow-bar for example, is easier to carry and will enable you to prize open doors if required. Remember though, don't be prizing open any doors marked "dead inside" for obvious reasons.

I used to have an 'equalizer'...but don't tell anyone...got rid of it for legal reasons...swopped it for baseball bat and a #1 wood...there's more whip in a wood and they don't tend to snap like an iron!

Jane

angelchemuel wrote:

I used to have an 'equalizer'...but don't tell anyone...got rid of it for legal reasons...swopped it for baseball bat and a #1 wood...there's more whip in a wood and they don't tend to snap like an iron!

Jane

Aint no zombie dumb enough to mess with GI Jane anyhoo. All round to Jane's house when it kicks off I think.

ab origine wrote:

angelchemuel wrote:

I used to have an 'equalizer'...but don't tell anyone...got rid of it for legal reasons...swopped it for baseball bat and a #1 wood...there's more whip in a wood and they don't tend to snap like an iron!

Jane

Aint no zombie dumb enough to mess with GI Jane anyhoo. All round to Jane's house when it kicks off I think.

I looks after my friends...

Jane

needs moar crowbar and axe

OMG. An entire site dedicated to zombie-destroying weaponry:

http://zombietools.net/



I'm actually a bit moist.

Bumper sticker!!!